This post took a very long time for me to journal….I wanted to share it with whoever’s reading…thanks for the love! -LT
I know Father’s Day is on Sunday; however, I want to jot down my feelings regarding this day. Father’s Day is a day to celebrate a man who stepped and took the challenge of being a responsible parent in caring for their child. You, on the other hand, gave my mother an ultimatum of having an abortion or you were gone. Obviously I’m here breathing and you peaced out. You left my mother and my grandmother to play both their respective roles and your role in raising me. The sacrifices they had to make for the duration of my life to make sure I had clothes on my back, food on the table, a roof under my head, and the emotional, physical, spiritual and mental support I needed to mold me into a strong and educated young woman.
If you were to pop up in my life today, I don’t know whether or not I’d look at you in the face. If I did, I’d see an irresponsible, childish, and neglectful individual who ran away like a punk when the prime time for him to step up was 26 years ago. Yes, I am angry…frustrated…hurt…upset…perturbed, all of the above for your actions, or lack thereof. However, I am thankful for what you have taught me. You taught me how to be mindful of who I choose to become emotionally, physically and spiritually invested with. You taught me how to not depend on a man if I can damn sure take care of my own self. You taught me how to be perceptive and observant of others and their intentions of getting to know me as a person. You taught me the importance of being present in my familial relationships, friendships, and with whomever I date. Last, you basically taught me how to accept the fact that I will more than likely never meet you, and I’m OK with that.
Father, your lack of presence in my 26 years has put me through a lot; however, I am thankful that you chose what you did. Who’s to say that I wouldn’t have a close relationship with my grandmother and other family members? Who’s to say that I wouldn’t learn the definition of sacrifice and hard work to get to where I am today? There’s no reason to ponder on those questions because what’s done is done, right? Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re happy and well. It’s not right of me to wish any harm to you because it’s just not right. I was taught to look at the positives of all situations and embrace that…rather than staying focused on the negatives. Again, thank you for those lessons, I truly appreciate it.